Jesus 2000 Doll Hits Store Shelves

NEW YORK (EAP) -- Sales are already soaring for a new Jesus doll which hit the store shelves last week in preparation for the holiday shopping season and the celebrated birthday of the long-overdue Son of God.

The new doll, named "Jesus 2000," comes complete with a wooden cross and three galvanized nails which the consumer can use to pin Jesus to the cross. A crown of thorns is available as an accessory, as well as a leather whip which can be used to beat the doll and cause it to bleed simulated blood which is also sold separately.

"The end is near, and we think this doll will encourage all good Christians to beat the tar and simulated blood out of our Jesus dolls in an attempt to make Him take notice and come back to Earth," said Tom Kringel, owner of Celestial Products Inc., manufacturer of the new doll.

"Even if Jesus doesn't come back this year, people can still make use of the doll by using it as their personal whipping boy toy whenever they make a mistake or sin," Kringel said.